OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it hurts more in the daytime
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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