so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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