trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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