Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
