i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
