Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
