New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
