Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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