Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
