what day is it and did you see me today?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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