We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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