I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Pants are for mortals
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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