guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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