is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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