dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
where am i from again
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
