I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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