I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
