Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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