just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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