Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
sex in a hospital.. check
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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