I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
