Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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