I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
