god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
