You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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