I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
