New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
