the condom got lost in my hair
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
