Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
