Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wish my penis had a tongue
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
