I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
