Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
