Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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