i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
what day is it and did you see me today?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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