Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
