Cold hands, warm shart.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
