He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
