You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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