Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
