When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
