So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
