it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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