I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
