he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
