Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
