so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
