i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
