Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
