Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
