I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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