I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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