I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
