I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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