You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
