3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
