your thong is hanging out like whoa
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
