You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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