Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
