i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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