Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
