Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
