i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
