Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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