Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
