Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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