I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
